Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood

In a rut? Grumbling about all the nonsense in your life? Switch to decaf and lighten up a bit. Easier said then done, eh? Well, give these jokes and quotes a read. They should do the trick.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

2. Drew Carey - You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

3. Steven Wright - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

4. Henny Youngman - A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

5. Edward Abbey - A drink a day keeps the shrink away.

6. Steven Wright - I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

7. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

8. George Bush - The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.

9. Jay Leno - Researchers have found that oral sex among teenagers has doubled in the last ten years. So who says there is no lasting Clinton legacy.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

12. Dave Attell - You ever get drunk and pass out... or as I call it 'time travel'?

13. Dave Attell - Man, you've gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly.

14. Rodney Dangerfield - I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

15. Bill Cosby - A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

At the end of the day, we all usually need a good laugh. Hopefully, the above quotes and jokes provided it. If not, there are tons of sites with them, so get to clicking!

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