How Singles Can Create Community

The most common lament I hear from today's singles is their difficulty meeting potential partners. This problem did not occur in past generations when we lived and worked in a community of family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers, all of who would typically help introduce singles to each other.

Without this support system, today's singles increasingly rely upon dating services and personal ads to solve the problem of meeting potential partners, and then wonder why they have so little in common with the people they meet through these services. Want to find your life partner? Expand your meaningful relationships! If you are becoming frustrated in finding potential partners, remember that relationships are about connection, and start by asking yourself how you can improve the quality and quantity of ALL your relationships. Isolated singles often find each other and become isolated couples. When they have children, they become isolated families. Whether the family remains intact or not, the legacy of isolation continues.

If relationships survive and thrive in community, they tend to shrivel and die in isolation. Could this contribute to the high failure rate of relationships today? Without a built-in community, today's singles must intentionally create their own support system. While most singles have friends and family, this is not a large enough support community. Building a network of close, mutually beneficial relationships requires time, effort, and intention. In today's society, the closest example of this kind of support system is the community that exists in most church or temple environments.

Characteristics include:

Geographical proximity
Shared values, beliefs, and goals
Inter-generational
On-going shared activities
All members contribute time and resources
Mobilization in times of crisis and need
Supportive of all members' needs and accomplishments

A community with the above characteristics can be found or created outside of religious institutions. It can be as close as on your block or in your neighborhood. The members of a community contribute what they can and receive the support they need. A single male member of the community might volunteer to fix the plumbing of an elderly female member, who happens to think of a friend of her granddaughter that might be good for him to meet.

Only in a community does this kind of spontaneous, mutually supportive relationship develop. A typical, isolated single male wouldn't have much reason to interact with a typical, isolated elderly female, and when she calls a plumber to fix her problem, he misses the opportunity to meet her granddaughter's friend, and they both miss the opportunity to be in a mutually beneficial relationship that enriches each other's lives.

So, where can singles meet potential partners? In my experience the singles asking this question are too isolated in their everyday life, and need to first focus on building their community before finding a partner. How can singles build a community for themselves?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Research existing communities aligned with your values and interests- charitable, service, recreational, etc
2. Explore personal growth and spiritual organizations
3. Check out men's or women's organizations
4. Deepen your connection with your existing friends, co-workers, family, and neighbors by getting together more often
5. Start "People Collecting;" gathering cool people into your life of a variety of ages, genders, etc, that you want to spend time with.

A great relationship is brought together by, and thrives in community. By deepening your connection with others and expanding the circle of people you connect with, you improve the quality of your life and relationships. You can then allow your community to support you in finding and having a successful life partnership.

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David Steele, MA, has helped thousands of singles and couples get what they want from relationships. For an excerpt of his book, visit his www.consciousdating.com Website.