Is My Toddler Ready for Toilet Training?

Let’s begin by removing some misconceptions related to toilet training. Many parents seem to consider potty training as a criterion to judge their child’s brightness and their own smartness. Nothing can be farther than the truth. If you try to potty train your child before he/she is ready for it, you will be a nervous wreck, and you will traumatize your child.

So, the first thing is to wait for your child to be ready for toilet training before you begin to do so. It will make the whole process much easier, happier, and less stressful. It really doesn’t matter that your little one is trained three months later than your neighbor’s child.

Every child is different, and that’s the beauty. Learn to cherish it. Most toddlers are not genuinely toilet trained before the age of two or three years though there are exceptions that may be toilet trained at 20 months. Moreover, as a rule, boys take longer to be potty trained than girls. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4, though bedwetting continues till the age of 5 in about 10% kids. There is no need to be in haste. If you do that, you might have to face problems, such as soiling, that can last much longer.

Here are some tips to prepare your child for the toilet training and how to know when he or she is ready to start.

1. First, talk to your child about the body parts and their functions. It doesn’t matter what names you as a family use as long as everyone knows what they mean.

2. Despite concerns shown against it, I think it is a good idea to let your child witness you or other family member, preferably of the same sex, using the toilet. If you do it naturally, your child will get the idea that it is the natural thing to do. Contrary to some misconceptions, it will not traumatize your child. Talk about it as a grown-up thing to do. This will prepare your child for using a potty to begin with and then the big toilet. It instills a sense of anticipation since all toddlers want to do the things that grown-ups do. You can allow your child to flush the toilet to get used to the whole process.

3. As the time approaches for starting the toilet training, get the potty out and leave it in a visible place. Make sure she knows what it is, and what it is for but, again, talk in terms of "one day you will be able to use this".

Look for the signs of approaching readiness:

1. In order to help your child tell you when he is wet or dirty, you can point at the potty immediately after he urinated or had a bowel movement. And, in order to reinforce the idea of cleanliness and dryness, make sure you change the diaper as soon as possible, regardless of whether you spot it, or he tells you. Also, praise your child profusely when he comes and tells you that he needs a diaper change.

2. In the beginning, children find it difficult to physically manage the potty. They are not steady and might fall off. Also, they don’t get enough warning so there may be some accidents leading to frustration with getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off. If this is happening too often, it is better to wait another month or two.

3. Can she follow directions and instructions? Can she, for example, carry out an instruction to take a piece of tissue and throw it into the toilet? If not, or if she stubbornly refuses, then that probably needs to be addressed first.

4. Are there signs of developing bowel and bladder control? For example, are the bowel motions settling into a clear pattern such as twice a day after meals? Are stools firm and well formed? Is she able to stay dry for several hours at a time? If not, she may not be able to contain herself long enough to get to the bathroom. On the other hand, also make sure that she is not straining or experiencing pain on passing a motion as that can lead to deliberate witholding and a whole host of problems that can become very intractable and long term. She may need a change of diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.

5. Above all, give a positive feeling about toilet to your child. He should look forward to the day when he can use a toilet like a grown up. It all depends on the preparatory work you have done. Some children have fears about flushing water etc, which will have to be addressed before starting the toilet training. You will need to make your child familiar with the toilet and let him practice sitting on the potty with clothes on. This will reassure him that he won't disappear and get flushed away like the potty does.

These are the signs to look for in order to start toilet training. Be positive. And reward your child for success but don’t punish for failures.

Best of luck.

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Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free expert parenting tips & advice - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum?
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