Save Your Marriage With Parterapi (Couples Therapy)

In Denmark, couples therapy is called "parterapi", and in the tiny Scandinavian country with divorce rates at close to a world record this is an important word to know.

Many people I've asked, see parterapi as a last ditch effort prior to divorce. Dissatisfied and disgruntled for a long time, one may have tried with long talks and arguments. Nothing helps. One may have spoken with friends and relatives, priests and bartenders - good advice is hard to find. Eventually one is close to giving up.

Parterapi is the last resort in an attempt to save a relationship on the downslide. Many also perceive having to pay for help, to make a loving relationship work, as a defeat. And it's probably expensive as well. . .

Upon arrival at therapy, it often turns out that the expectations, far from shared, are quite different for the two participants. For some, it is already over and only the tidying up remains. Help (or courage) is needed to end an often painful existence. Some arrive unwilling to participate but unable to decline being "dragged" there by the other - unwilling or unable to refuse to taking part in what may be a fruitless rescue attempt.

Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy realtionship they had before it all went wrong.

- and many are told, to their surprise, that the therapist cannot offer a magical cure. They discover that they need to begin a period of hard work and that the help they can get from a therapist consists of guidance and support in the rebuiding of a stable and trustful relationship. They also discover that it may take more time than they thought and that the work involved may be harder than anticipated and that progress may not be smooth but that relapses can be expected. Hopefully they will share laughter and tears along the way and find the courage to continue.

Courage is needed to open up and reveal one's thoughts and aspirations to another. It takes courage to share feelings, to allow another to see one's strengths and weaknesses. And it takes courage to open oneself to another, vulnerable and without the protection one has built up over a lifetime.

It is hardly surprising that so many give up after only a few tries. Or never come to begin with.

For those who succeed, the payoff is great. They end therapy with increased confidence in themselves, in life and in each other. They acquire strategies they can apply to solve future difficulties and disagreements. They get increased insight into their own ways of meeting the world and how they are different from each other and thereby can help each other to achieve more than either can achieve alone.

And they often ask themselves in the end: "Why did we wait so long?", "Why didn't we do this before?", "Just think of all the time we have spent in frustration, how much we could have achieved if we'd done this long ago?" , "If only we had known"

Article Source: http://www.articles.ask-me-about.com

Considering Couples Therapy? Ilan Wolffberg is an American parterapi expert and has been residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Check out his take on couples therapy at "What about Couples Therapy" and in Danish at "Om parterapi"