Stop Men with Wandering Hands

My friend Violet recently met a guy on Match. The two of them had a lot in common, namely a love of camping and a fear of blue-colored foods. Combine this with the fact that she had been online for almost a year, so she was pretty comfortable doing the "almost-blind-date" thing after only few e-mails.

"I met him in the bar of the new sushi restaurant downtown, and before we'd even sat down for dinner he went in for a kiss," Violet said. "I turned my face so he only got my cheek, but I was like 'hello, can I at least have a drink first?'"

Violet and I agree that men like this are creepy, not to mention desperate, misunderstood, or maybe just unable to decipher social cues. As Violet tried to laugh off the kiss, he reached for her hand. She pulled away only for him to put his arm around her shoulders.

As far as I know footsy is a tool screenwriters use to create sexual tension among their characters. But once Violet sat down for dinner, her date promptly took off his right shoe and tried to play footsy. I can't believe people really do this.

Violet responded with what should be a patented scowl. I have never duplicated it, but it's a mixture of disgust, shock, disapproval, and frustration. I'm unable to describe the scowl better. There just aren't the right words to describe the way she drops her head to look at you from the corner of her eyes or the way she scrunches and contorts her facial muscles. Her date should have understood the message she gave immediately. Her scowl is her talent.

"There were so many problems with him at this point," Violet explained. "For starters he's flirting the way men do in soft-porn, and he wasn't smart enough to translate my scowl to really mean, back the f@#$ off! So I just asked him, flat out. 'What is your problem? Don't you know how to behave on a date?'"

He responded by laughing and reaching across the table to grab her hands. He said, "I'm coming on to you, don't you know what it's like?"

"I don't like it, and yah, I do know what it's like," said Violet as he ran his ten fingertips across hers. "Are your fingertips itchy, why are you touching me still?"

She decided to stay and struggle through the dinner, but only because she felt it was an opportunity to help all woman-kind everywhere, or at the minimum at least help the next Match.com victim. Sadly all her efforts were lost on him. The next day, in the customary follow-up Match e-mail, he wrote that he enjoyed their date and looked forward to kissing her voluptuous lips and holding hands for real, "like grown ups do."

Whatever "like grown-ups do" is supposed to mean I don't know, but it sounds dirty. Violet wrote: "Do me a favor, please keep your shoes on when you're in public, always. And hey, I will not be seeing you again."

Violet, well done. I don't think I could say it any better. To recap, if any of you find yourself with an itchy-fingered date, here is what you do:

Joke about how affectionate he is Dirty looks work Ask if he has a problem Point out his dating faux pas Follow up in an e-mail telling him what bothered you

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About the Author: Sara Musfeldt operates a blog with dating stories and dating tips for everyone. She has also created an online dating guide to help single people everywhere find a date.
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