The Decision to Put Your Baby Up for Adoption is Difficult – Be Sure You Do it Right

If you are pregnant and contemplating the idea of putting your baby up for adoption, be sure you protect your rights and your baby’s rights and plan a smooth adoption process.

Putting your baby up for adoption is an emotional decision and one that many mothers rush through, because they don’t want to think about the loss that looms at the end of the process. But, you owe it to yourself and your baby to do this the right way.

There are a number of things you should consider before you make a decision about the adoption agency and the people into whose hands you delivery your new baby.

If you don’t feel up to doing the research, enlist a friend or family member to do it with you or for you. You will be happy you did!

The Adoption Agency - First, check references on every adoption agency you consider. Be sure that they provide the services and support they SAY they provide.

A good agency will provide support for the mother in the form of counseling services.

Second, look into the financial arrangements. Adoption agencies often fund prenatal care and delivery expenses if you have no insurance. And they may offer financial assistance for you during your pregnancy, as well as legal expense funding for the adoption proceeding.

Make sure the adoption agency you choose offers you plenty of options for the adoptive parents. You want to interview them, just as they want to interview you and you want to have choices.

Interview the adoption agency before you make a decision and be sure they don’t pressure you to make the choice they think is right. Find out how much time you have to decide on the couple you want to adopt your baby.

The Adoptive Parents – Before you start to talk to prospective adoptive parents, sit down and make a thorough list of everything you want to know about them and the environment in which they will raise your baby.

If you have trouble getting started on this list, imagine that you are interviewing them for a job opening. If the job opening is for a ‘parent’ what skills would you expect them to have, what qualities and characteristics?

For example: What is the home environment like? Will the adopted child have his own bedroom? Does the adoptive family have children already? Are the adoptive parents planning to adopt other children? How do they plan to fund college?

Does the family plan to move anytime soon or will they remain in the house they are in for awhile? Has either adoptive parent raised younger brothers or sisters? Did they baby sit as teenagers? What is their childcare experience? What kind of healthcare coverage do they have?

Do they have an extended family (grandparents and others) to help care for the adopted baby? Do both the adoptive parents work? If so, who will care for the baby when they are working?

These are just some of the things you might ask. You can think of more questions on your own. Remember that the adoption agency will also ‘clear’ the prospective adoptive parents by interviewing them, visiting their home, etc., but the questions you will ask are meant to give YOU peace of mind and to allow you to get to know these people on a more personal level.

The final and crucial question you have to ask yourself and the prospective adoptive parents is about visitation rights and how and when they will tell their adopted child about his/her biological mother. Do you WANT to see the baby after the adoption?

How large a part do you intend to play in his life? Be sure that you understand how YOU feel about this and how the adoptive parents will accommodate those feelings, and agree on a plan upfront so there are no misunderstandings.

If you THINK you may change your mind about your involvement, talk to them about how they will feel if you suddenly decide you want to participate in your child’s life at a later date.

Remember that the United States supports open adoption proceedings. No longer do adopted children and biological mothers spend decades looking for each other.

Records are open and the child, the adoptive parents and the biological mother are free to handle the logistics of these visits. Still, disagreements can arise and it is important to know your legal and moral rights before you engage in any agreement.

All that said, the adoption decision for the biological mother remains yours and yours alone. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. Consider your options and your obligation to yourself and your unborn child and seek counsel from those you trust the most.

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