What Can You Do When Your Child Steals?

The reasons why some children steal are varied. Some of them crave the excitement. Others may want to look cool to their friends, or may actually want the item in question. Still others want some sort of revenge on their parents, or stealing may give them comfort. A staggering 25% of children steal or have stolen during their short lifetimes. Usually once is enough, but those who become repeat offenders keep it up because they get what they are looking for. Whether it's attention, money or just the excitement, stealing does the job of providing it.

Sometimes, the excitement generated by stealing is motivation enough. As many as one in four kids have stolen something - although most will never do it again.

Repeat offenders do so for one simple reason: because it works. Regardless of their motivation: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing fulfils their needs.

The best way to prevent stealing from happening is to find another way to meet their needs. Once their needs are met, they won't have to continue stealing.

Your primary emphasis is on promoting honesty. You can use everyday events, such as stories from television or school, to begin to instill the values of honesty, integrity, and family morals.

At the same time, you need to model the behavior yourself. Are you conscientious about returning change when you are given too much in a store, what do you do when you find a wallet or money in the street? Your children learn by watching you.

Next talk to your child about righting the wrong. This goes beyond returning the stolen item. It includes paying for the disruption and disrespect that he or she also committed. The best way is to have the child take care of the wrongdoing with you supplying lots of support. These are some examples:

Return the goods to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.

If your child stole something from a stranger, take it away and consider contacting the police. Also fine your child yourself.

If the goods have already be sold and spent, he may have to sell some of his possessions (perhaps to you) to pay for them and the fine. Make sure what he sells is gone for good.

If taken from a stranger, remove the items (perhaps hand them in at the police station) and impose a fine or loss of privileges.

Taking the stolen property back is his opportunity to do the right thing. If refuses, you then have no alternative but to impose an even higher penalty. The message must always be that doing the honest thing, even if it is after the event, is still the best policy.

Another option that has an effect is to arrange for some "community service" for the theft victim or, if you don't know their identity, for the family or neighbors.

Finally, once it is over, get over it. Get back into reward mode, look for the things your child is doing right, not wrong, and work hard at reinforcing honesty. It is the stealing that is the enemy, not your child.

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